tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28169009.post4562205686928962496..comments2023-09-16T09:00:31.715-04:00Comments on Telecommuter Talk: Your Honest Opinion Greatly AppreciatedEmily Bartonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13971084813206845680noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28169009.post-15001108750358416432009-10-23T17:55:48.864-04:002009-10-23T17:55:48.864-04:00Heather, none of these people is going to become i...Heather, none of these people is going to become important, as far as I can tell, so I think I'm beginning to understand that the dialogue needs to go.<br /><br />ZM, glad you like it, and thanks for the encouragement.<br /><br />Bob, so glad to hear that it's working for a transplanted Floridian from Connecticut. I've been so worried it wouldn't. And for those great writers to come to your mind when reading MY stuff? Well, I don't know what to say, except that maybe I'd better keep writing (oh, and take out that dialogue that just doesn't seem to work for anyone). Thanks!Emily Bartonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13971084813206845680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28169009.post-78756361052367544302009-10-22T11:05:30.650-04:002009-10-22T11:05:30.650-04:00Emily, Being a transplanted Floridian from Connect...Emily, Being a transplanted Floridian from Connecticut who looks still for paradise in the hills and mountains along the Blue Ridge Parkway in the fall, I feel familiar with the Laurel Ridges of the region (and rented a condo in Asheville ironically called Laurel Creek). I also recognize an old town that has been claimed by seasonal invaders and new full time residents that change a town’s personality. This is what Updike touches upon in Widows of Eastwick and Richard Ford in The Lay of the Land. And of course Russo examines the generations left behind.<br /><br />I liked your Prologue and want to read more. So how does Laurel Ridge “welcome back” ensuing generations and why? You have a down to earth, homey way of writing, but, unless Betty, Evelyn, Don, Rich, Jamie, and Jennifer are central to what follows, I found that dialogue out of place, even prosaic. If they do figure in the story, maybe you can make them less stereotypic old fuddy-duddies.<br /><br />I purposely did not read what was posted before so not to be influenced, so maybe I’ve just repeated what was said or missed the whole point!Bobhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10495693030721170952noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28169009.post-87472213209299766722009-10-22T10:36:30.782-04:002009-10-22T10:36:30.782-04:00I am not a writing critic, but I can say I really ...I am not a writing critic, but I can say I really enjoyed this and I would love to read more. I agree with everyone who has said you should just keep going. Keep writing -- this is good stuff!ZoesMomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13279493011192565601noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28169009.post-77844686620047061162009-10-17T18:03:05.449-04:002009-10-17T18:03:05.449-04:00Wow! Some really great comments that I really agre...Wow! Some really great comments that I really agree with. I liked how everything was written except for:<br /><br />"Well, at least there is a reason. Both kids still married, but do I ever get to see any of my grandchildren? Never. And Jennifer only lives two hours away. You'd think she could make time for her old mom and dad."<br /><br />I'd say take it out unless 'Two Hours Away Jennifer' is going to become an important character.<br /><br />I am now DYING to know what this book is about. Write it faster so I can buy it and read it. heheHeatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13979896448183348883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28169009.post-29581136813038592502009-10-14T23:00:33.858-04:002009-10-14T23:00:33.858-04:00Charlotte, oh so helpful! Thank you very much. I w...Charlotte, oh so helpful! Thank you very much. I will see if I can find a secure lock (our doors are ancient and couldn't hold a flea) and lock that inner editor away in a closet. Meanwhile, I will keep what you say about foreshadowing in mind when I revisit the Prologue, AFTER the first draft is all done.<br /><br />Litlove, oh my! You mean I really HAVE managed, miraculously, to capture all that false expectation and older people emphasizing the past the way I'd hoped? Okay, I must keep writing then...<br /><br />Stef, that makes perfect sense, and you've got me thinking. I will gag the inner critic before I lock her in the closet with the inner editor.<br /><br />Court, Stephen King? Really? I think I'm blushing again. I mean, Stephen King? Really? I used to think I could only hope to be able to paint scenes as well as he does, but someone who has read him and has read this is making that comparison? Really? (You should be able to see that this is why I'm no good in writing groups either. Not only do I not know how to critique others' material, but I am in utter shock if something like this is said about my stuff.)<br /><br />Linda (just an aside: I am SO thrilled you've "come out of the closet" and commented). Contrary to what you say, you are too a book person (as well as someone who obviously completely gets the humor), and so I can trust what you say and will keep going.<br /><br />Dorr, sound advice (which is exactly what I would expect of you). Glad you like the way I've personified the town, and it seems it's worked the way I wanted it to.Emily Bartonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13971084813206845680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28169009.post-24137540212929221952009-10-14T22:19:22.598-04:002009-10-14T22:19:22.598-04:00It looks like you got some good comments here, whi...It looks like you got some good comments here, which is great. I like how you personify Laurel Ridge, and the piece makes me wonder what else Laurel Ridge is going to do. There seems a lot of room here for stories to crop up -- natives vs. tourists, expectations unmet, people who leave and people who can't. I agree with the others who say that it's probably best to leave the prologue as it is and see where the rest of the story goes, and then you can use the prologue to better set up the rest.Rebecca H.https://www.blogger.com/profile/10825532162727473112noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28169009.post-48439465018329461662009-10-14T19:12:01.753-04:002009-10-14T19:12:01.753-04:00Emily, I know I am not a book person. Well, other ...Emily, I know I am not a book person. Well, other than the fact that I read alot of them. I really am not that good at analyzing and deconstructing the things. I will say, however, that I like this. You've given a place a bit of a personality, and made it somplace I'd like to visit, maybe. At the right time of year, of course...<br />Keep going!Linda Enoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28169009.post-22571991042709636352009-10-14T08:51:19.299-04:002009-10-14T08:51:19.299-04:00this is why I suck in writing groups and in worksh...this is why I suck in writing groups and in workshops - I am not fabulous about giving feedback. All I know is I really enjoyed it - this seemed a tiny bit Stephen King to me, even - and I wanted to keep reading, definitely! So I think it is a GREAT start and I would just keep going...trust me, you just have to keep going or nothing will ever be accomplished!Courtneyhttp://www.everythinginbetween.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28169009.post-73012163672246001692009-10-12T11:30:46.472-04:002009-10-12T11:30:46.472-04:00I agree with Charlotte on all counts.
I like the...I agree with Charlotte on all counts. <br /><br />I like the unexpectedness about the weather. The pacing seems a bit off to me though. It took a long time to zero in on the people who actually live in Laurel Ridge but when it did, the pacing picked up. I'm not sure I like the Betty and Evelyn dialog. I don't see what purpose it serves. I'd be more interested in dialog in the part about the Radcliffes and the blizzard, but I'm not sure in the prologue dialog is even necessary unless you bring it to focus on an actual character that will be in the story revealing some bit of gossip or something that will carry the prologue into the rest of the book. Hope that makes sense and hope that helps. Tell your inner critic to be quiet and please keep writing :)Stefaniehttp://somanybooksblog.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28169009.post-4842508290989782902009-10-12T03:57:07.868-04:002009-10-12T03:57:07.868-04:00Well, I agree with Charlotte that this is beautifu...Well, I agree with Charlotte that this is beautiful writing and a fine opening. I'd say keep going, because prologues are really hard to tinker with. After all they are introducing a story you haven't written yet, and so it's hard to know what exactly you need to introduce. As I read through, I thought it was all about false expectations, how people from other places were surprised, and how older people over emphasised the past. If the lure of expectations and their being proved false is important to the story that follows, then you could signpost this more. But as I say, chances are you don't know at this stage what you need to signpost, what the deeper meaning is that you want to draw out.<br /><br />So be content you have a great start, that you can jiggle in one direction or another later on, and just crack on with the next chapters!litlovehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10952927245186474480noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28169009.post-9292225514028169062009-10-11T11:52:06.971-04:002009-10-11T11:52:06.971-04:00Don't beat yourself up, Emily. Put that inner ...Don't beat yourself up, Emily. Put that inner editor away until you're rewriting, because she won't be of any use to you until you're redrafting a full manuscript.<br /><br />You can write, you absolutely can. You set a scene wonderfully - I particularly love the "white-topped old men". It might have helped me to know what genre you're writing, as it was hard to tell from the Prologue. If this is to be a mystery, as I suspect it is, then I think the sense that Laurel Ridge is unreliable is great, but I would want it heightened. I would want a little more tension injected.<br /><br />If it's not a mystery, but a story around a group of people, then perhaps you need to focus a little on someone who is germane to the story. Not the main protagonist perhaps, but someone who is important who you can bring in sideways to surprise us.<br /><br />My feelings as I read it were "this is lovely and I want to know more", and while Prologues are just prologues to the story, I think as a reader I would be even more drawn in if the foreshadowing were a little stronger.<br /><br />Keep going, dear Emily, this is wonderful!Charlottehttp://www.charlotteotter.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.com