All right, I know I believe in the teachings of Christ and everything, which means loving others is key, but I have to admit there are just
quite a lot of a few people in this world whom I hate. I’m also supposed to be a feminist, which means I should give all my sisters the benefit of the doubt, but among those I hate, some actually happen to be women. Ann Coulter, for instance, springs to mind (although, as a follower of Christ’s teachings, I am supposed to hate the Devil, and I assume that encompasses the spawn of the Devil as well). But then there are those women who allow me to feel very good about myself as both a Christian and a feminist. These are the women I would just love to hate, but I can’t. I just can’t. I love them too much to hate them. I thought you all might like to know who they are, so here’s a list for you:
- THE OTHER EMILY BARTON: She stole my name! She’s an award-winning novelist. She gets asked to write book reviews for The New York Times. All this, and she’s younger than I am. However, I can’t hate her. After all, how can anyone really hate someone else who has the same name, especially when that someone else seems to have something in common (like a love of writing) with her? I have a feeling that when I finally get around to reading one of her novels, I’m going to love her even more. Besides, as I once explained, we don’t really have the same name.
- NIGELLA LAWSON: Does she not have the most fabulous job ever, combining both cooking and writing? Does she not also happen to have been blessed with great physical beauty? Do you not just want to hang out with her eating great food and drinking great wine and talking about whatever strikes your fancy? She’s a fabulous cook who has far more confidence in her kitchen than I could ever hope to have in mine. I don’t hate her. I just want to be her.
Is it really possible not to hate a woman every man I know has a huge crush on? Bob loves the Cowboy Junkies, but I’m sure he wouldn’t have taken me to see them twice in the time I’ve known him if Margo were some ugly old hag, and if she didn’t happen to have one of the sexiest voices ever recorded. I don’t blame Bob and all those other males at all. She’s just so talented, and she’s funny, too. Must be the latent lesbian in me or some former male from a previous life or something keeping me from hating her. TIMMINS:
- MICHELL PFEIFFER: Shouldn’t all women hate her? I mean, she just keeps getting more beautiful the older she gets. She’s not just a pretty face. The woman can actually act. Then there’s the fact that her first husband was Peter Horton. I know the marriage didn’t last, but still: she got to sleep with Peter Horton, who wasn’t the sole reason I was hooked on Thirty Something when I was a mere twenty something, but would have been a damn good reason to watch the show even if it had been complete crap. And then she married David Kelly. I mean, some women have all the luck! But I don’t hate her. Everything I’ve garnered from what I’ve read about her is that not only is she talented, but she’s also smart, warm, savvy, and witty. My hope in life is to be described with at least a couple of these adjectives. Anyone who garners all four immediately makes it into the “People Emily Loves” column.
- OPRAH WINFREY: She should be extraordinarily annoying. She should be fake. There should be all kinds of hidden dirt, like she hates kids or something. I used to think I hated her until I started to pay close attention to her. She’s smart. She’s caring. She’s loyal. She’s beautiful. She’s faithful. She’s down-to-earth. And she’s still managed to be successful in an arena that would normally crush someone like that. What’s there to hate, and what’s not to admire?
So, tell me, who do you wish you could hate?