Okay, so maybe a minister's wife shouldn't be focusing her attention on people who annoy her. I mean, I know I'm supposed to be loving and forgiving and all. Most of the time, I try to focus on the positive, to see the good, and to let go of the negative, reining in all the desire I have to complain about everybody and everything. I mean, I've read all the articles about how damaging and exhausting all that negative energy is. Still, it doesn't stop me from observing annoying people. And, you know, the digital age and social media have made it easier than ever for annoying people to be more annoying than ever. So, here's the list of some of the people I find most annoying.
1. The Arguers. You know these people. If it's windy outside, and you comment on it, the first thing they say is, "No it isn't." And they just won't let it go, even as trash cans, lawn furniture, and small dogs go swirling by. Every time you post a Facebook update, you wait for them to come back with some long refutation (usually in an email) that leaves you thinking, "You have time for that?" You wait for the day when you post a photo of yourself, and they come back with a comment telling you that it can't possibly be you.
2. The Puppy Dogs. For some reason, these people desperately, desperately want you to like them. You haven't seen them in years, and you thought you made it pretty clear that you really didn't like them. Maybe never saying a word to them and never inviting them to do anything just wasn't clear enough, though. Now that they are social media experts, they ask you to sign up for every pal, chirp, tack, chain, ivy (you name it, they're on it), and they just keep haranguing you with requests until you finally give in. You don't like them any better online than you did in real life, but you feel a little sorry for them, so you don't "unpal", "unchirp", etc. Probably they're just using you to pump up their stats, but then, that's kind of pathetic, too.
3. The Gadget Addicts. These people never put their phones or tablets away and respond to every single text (which by the way, has some absolutely obnoxious "ring tone"), every tweet, every FB update, every email (if they're still bothering with those) when they're at the checkout register/at a restaurant with their family/sitting in a meeting with you/at a party/at a live performance, etc. Am I the only one who sometimes wants to grab a telephone and throw it across the room? Some people have jobs that are so important (presidents and prime ministers, doctors, intervention therapists, ministers, e.g.) so I will sometimes overlook this obnoxious behavior, but, really, I know there aren't that many presidents and prime ministers, doctors, intervention therapists, and ministers in the world. Also, probably even a president could wait till s/he's through a checkout line before responding to a text. Notice I don't even mention people and their gadgets while driving. There's another word for them, and it's worse than "annoying".
4. The Narcissists. These people have new "profile pictures" featuring their latest favorite "selfie"s every time you log on to their favorite social media sites. I mean, I know I have a tendency to change my profile picture every 5-10 years or so, which probably is annoying, too, but still. Really, you look exactly the same as you did an hour ago. Get over yourself already; nobody else is nearly as fascinated as you are. Speaking of profile pictures, please don't put up a profile picture of a child, unless that child was you at some point in your life, because those are fun to see. Pictures of you with your child? Those are great fun to see, too, but pictures of nothing but your child? If I haven't seen you in twenty years, I want to see pictures of you, not some child I've never met. Besides, there's nothing more annoying, at my age, than trying to figure out who this person is who wants to friend you, hoping to see a photo that resembles someone you might remember knowing, and seeing a picture of an unrecognizable 5-year-old.
5. The Bandwagon Jumpers. Speaking of "selfie" and "friending", I despise those terms. I'm tempted to despise everyone who uses them, as well as everyone who started talking about "googling" before anyone else even knew what Google was; everyone who posts something about each new episode of (fill in the blank here with Game of Thrones, Orange is the New Black, House of Cards or whatever is going to be hot next week), especially when they use in-the-know language associated with the shows; everyone who raced out to get a copy of 50 Shades of Grey, and everyone who is running out to see The Fault in Our Stars. But then I would have to despise some people who are near and dear to me, including myself, so I won't despise them. I will remind them, gently, though, that bandwagons are annoying. We can continue to enjoy them, but let's do it in the closet where the annoying people can't find and join us.
6. The Gun Worshippers. Despite all the, daily it seems, mass shootings in this country, they insist on putting up ridiculous quotes like, "Cars kill more people than guns. We need car control more than we need gun control." The latest, I've discovered from a young friend of mine, is, "Saying guns kill people is like saying a spoon made someone fat." Okay, so I long ago got over the notion that this country will ever have true gun control, and really, if you insist on having guns in your home to protect yourself from the millions of deranged killers out there just itching to break into your home and kill you, who am I to argue, just because I've never known a single person who saved themselves from some deranged killer by owning a gun? I'm not going to argue if you insist on keeping a pet rattlesnake, poison intact, either, but don't come crying to me if someone you love gets bitten (or shot) and dies. I am going to argue, though, with your annoying, illogical reasoning when you try to defend an object whose sole reason for existing is to kill by comparing it to other objects designed for other purposes.
Okay. I think that's all the complaining I'm going to do for now, its being so exhausting and all. I'm off in search of all the non-annoying people out there who give me faith in humankind. Or maybe I'm just off to spend some time with dogs and cats.