I knew, eventually, I'd have to get around to writing about food, more specifically, my fear that I would end up trapped inside my house forever. Forget worrying about whether or not I had the discipline to get my work done once I started telecommuting; I've been worrying about being home all day with a fridge that's full of my own food, not other people's, convinced I might soon be one of those people we've all seen on TV or in People Magazine. You know, the ones who are too fat to even move from the bed, let alone leave the house? And if you've been following this blog, you know spending the rest of my life in bed just isn't an option for me.
You would think that vision would be enough to keep me under control, but then I guess you may not realize who I am, which is someone who is stupid enough to keep things like cheese, macadamia nuts, and Girl Scout cookies in her fridge. Yes, I do also, with all good intentions, keep things like broccoli and carrots in my fridge, but they tend to stick around till they resemble the consistency and taste of Gumby and Pokey dolls, before liquifying. I'm also someone who loves to cook, and I cook in abundance, which means we always have leftovers.
When I worked in an office, I could just buy that box of Girl Scout cookies (who am I kidding? I mean those six boxes of Girl Scout cookies. Girl Scout cookies have to be bought in bulk, since they only come around once a year), allow myself to satisfy my craving by eating some, and then bring the rest to work to give away. I even had a few "non-cooking" co-workers who were willing to take containers full of leftovers home for dinner. Left with no co-workers to fatten up in my stead, I'm stuck with coming up with alternatives to help instill a self-control habit. What alternatives am I testing now?
I'll start with what I'm not doing. For instance, I'm not going to stop buying things like cheese and macadamia nuts. Life without cheese really isn't a life worth living, in my book. Nor is life without sugar (I tried that once for a month after reading that wretched book The Sugar Blues. Never felt physically better in my life, but what's the point in having all kinds of energy when you can't use it to run down to Krispy Kreme for melt-in-your-mouth-hot-off-the-conveyor-belt doughnuts?). I'm also not the kind of person (I don't know anyone who is, actually, but, if you can believe what's in women's magazines, they exist) who could buy a box of chocolates, eat four, and then throw the rest away. I'm well aware that throwing them into my body where they aren't needed is just as wasteful as throwing them away, but the smelly old trashcan, where they're going to be completely neglected and unappreciated, seems like such a sad end for such delicious candy. And I'm certainly not going to stop cooking. I'm also not going to substitute healthy alternatives when what I want is something unhealthy. The same people who can throw away boxes of chocolate are those who when they "want something crunchy" can substitute celery for Fritoes (as advised, again, in so many women's magazines). Someone like that must be almost, but not quite, as sensuous as a brick. Fritoes are about so much more than their mere crunchiness, and everyone knows celery isn't worth eating unless it's topped with something like Pimiento cheese.
Well, those are the things I'm not planning on doing. I'll let you know when I figure out what I am going to be doing. Meanwhile, it's time to make a quick trip to the store to get a box of chocolates.