Monday, May 04, 2009

God Bless America (And All You Wussies Can Leave If You Don't Like It)

I wish I had a picture of it, but I don't, so I'll just have to describe it to you. Anyone traveling around York County, PA these days, which I've had the pleasure of doing twice in the past couple of weeks, will not be able to miss gigantic billboards advertising an upcoming ("PA's biggest") gun show. All right, that would be enough for a wingnut, do-good, want-stricter-gun-laws-that-at-
-in-this-country, crunchy-granola-latter-day-hippie gal like me, to be offended, especially when (oh boy!) "machine guns" are one of the billboard's great highlights. But wait, there's more, something to offend the "femi-Nazi" in me as well.

Guess what the picture on this billboard is. What might be appropriate would be a picture of a maimed child or dead wife, who is far more likely to be the recipient of a bullet from a gun bought at this show than that fictitious stranger, the one bent on breaking into your house while you are at home, from whom you desperately need to protect yourself. No one would ever show that, though. So, I will concede that we ought to have something that isn't quite so tasteless, right? Well, it's a gun show. You know, I was in Maryland for the sheep and wool festival over the weekend. Guess what the advertisements for this pictured. If you're guessing "sheep," well done! When I used to attend book shows, what did those advertisements depict? You're thinking "books?" Well done, again! So, what might be on a billboard for a gun show? Guns and bullets, right? Wrong!

Oh well, I guess guns just aren't as sexy as sheep and books are. I guess those who are into guns just aren't likely to take any notice of shows where they can purchase them unhindered by all those nasty federal laws that are trying to make sure that only criminals own guns. Nope. We need to do something to grab their attention, something that will get them to drag their asses to that gun show they're just so reluctant to attend. I know! A sexy woman will do the trick. So, let's slap a sexy-looking woman up on that billboard beside the words "machine guns" in big, bold letters.

That probably still isn't enough, though. I mean, these guys just badly need some real motivation to go to a show where they can salivate over deadly weapons. What we really, really need is to do something that gets men thinking "breasts and guns." How do we do that? Ahhh! I've got it. Let's paint some cartoon bulls eyes where the woman's breasts should be. Oh, come on! You think that's a horrible idea? You think that insinuates shooting at women's breasts? Or worse, killing women? You think it devalues women in some way? Where's your sense of humor? Boy, are you thin-skinned. What a wussy you are!

Oh, and God bless America, the Red, White, and Blue.


Lezlie said...

Holy moly. Just when you start thinking there's hope for us. . .


Bob said...

You mean this billboard?
(Snoop around on Google Images and you can find anything)

Stefanie said...

Oh my goodness. I don't believe in vandalism and I believe in free speech even when it is speech I find offensive, but golly, I'd be tempted to send that billboard up in flames!

Watson Woodworth said...

You mean they didn't just use Sarah Palin?
How often is she photographed without a gun?

Anonymous said...

If I were as eloquent I would have written the same thing! Now let's go shopping for some AK47's!

Charlotte said...

I have to say it leaves me feeling a bit sick.

litlove said...

Oh my goodness.

I find myself doing hasty mental damage limitation and recalling David Sedaris's hilarious stories about the fact that it is legal for the blind in Michigan to go shooting on their own. You can imagine the fun he has with that.

Courtney said...

Oh my goodness - that sounds hideous. There are no words, for home protection, I personally prefer my baseball bat. I know how to use it, can access it quickly, and do a lot of damage in one swing. And so much less likely to be used to brutally kill someone on the street.

Emily Barton said...

Lezlie, yes, not a good thing to get too settled in our hopes.

Bob, yes, that's the one. Thanks for the link.

Stef, yes, if one didn't have to worry about all the damage done to the environment, one could almost wish for an arsinist to arrive on the scene.

Nigel, given the typical American memory, people probably don't even remember who Sarah Palin is anymore.

Sara, yes, let's get some pretty pink ones.

Charlotte, which was exactly how I felt after I first saw it (once the shock had warn off, and it had all registered, which took a few minutes).

Litlove, oh yes, I read that piece. Flabbergasting, isn't it?

Courtney, let's hear it for the good old baseball bat.

Rebecca H. said...

I followed the link that Bob posted and saw the thing, and wow, that is really, really awful. I don't know what to say beyond that -- it makes me so angry at certain parts of our culture.