Last week, The Hobgoblin (you’d think I was having an affair with him, or something, as often as I link to his blog, but I could never do that to either Bob nor the lovely Dorothy, whose blog also often finds itself featured on mine) came up with this terrific meme that helped preoccupy me during a long weekend spent at a wedding where I knew no one except the groom and Bob, in the very hot and humid city of Baltimore. You see, I had to think about it a lot, because it doesn’t lend itself to just stealing great answers from others. While I was away, he seems to have, unfairly, posted yet another meme (I have the feeling he was Mr. Slam Book when he was in sixth grade), so maybe I'll get to that one at some point, too. Anyway, no books, no movies, something more appropriate for a blog that’s supposedly about work and telecommuting. Let’s call it the Rèsumé Meme.
WHAT WAS THE FIRST JOB YOU EVER HAD?
I don’t suppose going around the house, bargaining with my mother over the worth of certain household jobs counts, and stealing babysitting gigs from my sisters as soon as I hit thirteen probably doesn’t either. So, my first real job, one for which I had to fill out a W-4 form, was as a cashier in a grocery store. This was an exceedingly dull job, made exciting only by the fact that all those of us who worked the night and weekend shifts were teenagers who seemed to view the place as some sort of boyfriend and girlfriend swap shop. If you didn’t know who Debbie was dating this week or whether or not Tim and Dawn had broken up, it really didn’t matter, because by next week (after Friday night’s party), Tim would be with Debbie and Dawn would have decided Alan was her man.
WHAT WAS THE WEIRDEST JOB YOU EVER HAD?
For a very brief time, I had a job tutoring English to a Spanish-speaking nanny in this very bizarre household that I’m still convinced was part of some mob family. Really. They seemed like they could have stepped right out of The Godfather, and they sure had an awful lot of money for a family that was “in the restaurant business.” The nanny’s English never improved; I never asked any personal questions; and one day they just told me they didn’t need me anymore. I was quite relieved.
WHAT IS THE SHORTEST LENGTH OF TIME YOU EVER HAD A JOB?
I worked as a nurse’s aide in a nursing home for two weeks, which was two weeks too long. I was put on the most difficult ward, with the patients who were in the worst states (no getting to have life-changing conversations with kindly and wise elderly people as if I were the star in some ABC After School Special. Nope. I was on the hall with the stroke victims and the people who repeated themselves hour after hour after hour). This wouldn’t have been so bad, if I hadn’t felt so sorry for them and hadn’t felt they were not treated with the dignity they deserved. On top of that, the other nurse’s aides (this was N.C., so picture skinny little chain-smoking “redneck women,” with oxen-like strength, who were 21 years old and already had 4 children) decided to make my life a living hell, giving me all the worst jobs (I'll spare you the details) and making fun of me as if we were in middle school. After I had come home for the third night in a row at 11:15 (I was working the “early” night shift) to wake up my parents, crying, my father finally turned to me, and said, “Honey, I don’t think this is the right job for you.” Epiphany! I stuck it out for one more shift and then quit over the phone, too chicken to go back in and face them.
WHAT IS THE LONGEST YOU’VE HAD A JOB?
I was at the last company where I worked for ten years, but not at the same job. I would have had to kill myself if I’d been stuck with that original job for ten long years.
HAVE YOU EVER WORKED MORE THAN ONE JOB AT A TIME?
When I first started my job in the library world, I worked part-time for the small legal newspaper where I’d worked previously. This makes no sense, and I can’t remember what on earth I was doing for the paper at that time, but I know I did it, because I can remember several occasions in which I arrived at the office thinking someone would be there to let me in and found myself locked out.
WHAT WAS YOUR MOST INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOB?
The job I have right now is not particularly unusual, but it’s the most interesting job I’ve ever had.
WHAT IS YOUR IDEAL JOB?
Nigella Lawson gets to cook all the time, and to write regular columns for the New York Times about cooking and food, as well as books, and to have a T.V. show. That’s a pretty cool job. Oh yes, and while we’re discussing ideals, shallow person that I am, it would be nice to be beautiful like she is, too. I’d also settle just for being a food critic with a regular column, even if it were for the Podunk Gazette.